Family Enablers: The Source of an Entrepreneur’s Strength

Building a company out of nothing is enormously hard work. Hidden behind most startup CEOs are tremendously supportive families. This is one of the secrets to success.

Looking back on my past 20 years in startups, I cannot imagine how I could have invested all the mindshare and energy required to build four startup companies without the unfailing support of my family and friends. Growing a startup company is not a 40-hour per week job. It requires endless attention, thinking, creativity, and connecting throughout the startup development process – and all that needed mental, physical, and emotional energy impacts your family and friends along the way, so I recommend at least being intentional and mindful about it.

Before You Begin

Before you tackle a new business, make sure your spouse will be supportive (it is a family affair!) financially and emotionally.

When you consider venturing into the wildland of founding and leading a startup, it is worth taking stock of whether your spouse has the financial risk tolerance to embark on this adventure with you.  Startups are risky businesses. Not everyone has the stomach for it and can tolerate the likely prolonged periods of no income, investment of family savings, and the genuine risk of abrupt failure with no safety net. My husband knows to expect there will be seasons when I am not generating a dime of income, and our family is surviving on his income as a teacher and our savings. He supports our decisions to live within our means and stockpile savings that will support us when the financial gaps in an entrepreneurial career path appear.

The pressure of building a startup demands constant mental and emotional energy. Like all people, startup leaders have only a finite supply of both. Often that means that your family may be called upon to support you as you pour yourself into the startup crisis of the moment.   For me, that meant missing my childrens’ sports events, jumping back into work after dinner, and taking work calls at inopportune times. I experienced some terrifically terrible fights with my broader family when holiday times were sacrificed to a VC’s whims while fundraising. Before you begin, make sure both you and your family have taken a clear-eyed look at what it might require – and are prepared to dig deep together to support one another in the process.

Prioritize Your Own Health and Personal Relationships Along the Journey

Building a startup inevitably takes longer and is more complicated than you imagine.  Facing it alone may well crush you. Family and friends provide an essential lifeline of social, financial, emotional support along the way for entrepreneurs as they face the rigors of the business world.  

Along that journey, understanding friends and family can provide that essential support system that helps entrepreneurs face stress, balance life, and keep a sense of perspective even amid the stress and responsibility of starting and maintaining a successful business in an often unfeeling environment. Sometimes my husband provides me the best perspective since he is not mired in the business’ day-to-day details.  He gives me perspective on how I am handling things as he keenly observes my emotional state and knows when I am approaching my limits.  Sometimes, on particularly bad days, he enfolds me in his arms and reminds me that he loves me no matter what seemingly insurmountable crisis has just descended on the business. 

Your family and friends can also provide essential support as informal sounding boards for difficult decisions, and help you remember the bigger picture of why you started down this road in the first place and what your aspirations for the business are in those darker moments. They can provide validation when the rejection you face in the business becomes too much. My husband’s unfailing confidence in my ability to raise that next round of funding has often been the reinforcement I need to overcome those moments when it seems that we will never get across the finish line.

As you forge a new path, it is vital to make time for investing in your family relationships, or they will not be there when you need them. Sadly, many marriages do not survive the pressures of entrepreneurship. While your time availability likely will not be at the level that is possible with less responsible roles, it is important to unplug sometimes and be intentional about paying attention to the needs of your family. Take vacations as a family. Ask your children about the things that are important to them. Listen to your spouse’s concerns. Be present. My husband is my rock – and sometimes I need to be his.

Support Your Team’s Family Connections

A successful startup is the product of a team’s efforts.  As a startup leader, it is important to remember that your team members are pouring their hearts and souls into solving the myriad problems required to create value. If you allow it, some may well sacrifice their personal lives in service to that goal. It is not in your interest or theirs for them to do that.  

Your passionate team members are putting in enormous effort – and you want them to have strong family relationships. You can and should support your team’s commitments to their marriages and families by encouraging vacations (and avoiding interrupting them for anything less than a real emergency), making sure your corporate culture values those important family events like birthdays and anniversaries, and by thanking spouses for sharing their loved one’s time and talent whenever you have the opportunity. When you are tempted to push too hard, always remember that helping a team member have healthy relationships will pay dividends in terms of their focus, commitment, and loyalty to the rest of the team and the business.

Many around you will struggle to understand the path of the entrepreneur. However, they may still be able to support you in the process – and that is a very precious thing! I cannot imagine how I could have built four startups over the past two decades without the support of my husband and family, along with the support of my team’s families. Thank you, all!