Pants and People

Growing a high-potential business presents many opportunities and encounters with people that can be pretty intimidating. My mentor taught me that remembering the human dimension can help you engage authentically and effectively. That insight has helped me often.

In my last post, I introduced one of my first bosses, the Executive Vice President (EVP) of the nation’s tenth-largest bank. Brilliant and accomplished, he taught me a lot when I was an impressionable new college grad in her first professional job.

As I started work in the rarefied executive suite of a huge money center bank, it was overwhelming to interact with all of these very high-status people on behalf of the EVP. His office was a corner one on the executive floor of the bank’s headquarters in Chicago, which had 30’ ceilings, three-inch deep snow white carpeting, and a security guard who looked me over every time I stepped out of the elevator bank. The entire floor only had about a dozen offices on the perimeter with massive windows. Administrative assistants were seated at desks in front of each office door to protect and support the executives. Sometimes my job meant “assisting” by being sent down executive row to get something from the bank’s CEO, calling a senior executive, or interfacing with the executive director of a national charity—all very heady stuff for my 22-year-old self. To say the least, it was intimidating.

Daily meetings with the EVP were filled with insightful pearls of wisdom on what was strategically important and how to get things done effectively. One of these pearls still rings in the back of my mind 32 years later. I was agonizing about how to approach a very senior individual, and the EVP smiled gently at my worries and said, “Jen, remember everyone puts their pants on one leg at a time in the morning, including [the person I was anxious about contacting].”

What a revelation! No matter how high someone’s status appears, underneath all those trappings and signals is just a person. Often a person who would like to be seen as well. The EVP was cluing me in to a fundamental truth in relationship building. Remember to relate to others of whatever status as human beings. Treat them with respect. Avoid clamming up or being intimidated. It will go a long way. This was a lesson that I have never forgotten.

Since that memorable pearl, I have called that statement to mind over and over as I faced down potentially intimidating people and situations. Reminding myself that the person I am engaging puts their pants on one leg at a time grounds me in our commonality rather than our differences. When faced with an intimidating situation like the examples listed below, I stop, take a deep breath, and remember that everyone puts on their pants one leg at a time.

• Reaching out to talk to an executive who had begun raising objections and blockers to everything our team was trying to advance. Engaging her as an individual with needs and a point-of-view converted her to whole-hearted support.
  
  
• Attending a billionaires retreat where the attendees talked casually about their personal helicopters dropping them off as we all piled into a white 13-passenger van, I found myself making small talk with a Rockefeller who was crammed in next to me. It turns out he was a lovely man with a passion for making a difference in the world and was just trying to figure out how to do that best.
  
  
• Presenting to the entire partnership of one of the most renowned VC firms in the country, known for being ruthless to aspiring entrepreneurs. Remarkably, telling the truth and responding authentically goes a long way toward establishing connections.
  
  
• Engaging with university presidents and Fortune 100 CEOs to help solve some of their pressing problems. One of the biggest problems leaders of such large organizations face is getting clear input from the front lines of their organizations (probably because of the intimidation and big stick factors!).
  
  
• Finding myself sitting directly across the table from a state Governor for an intimate 8-person dinner in their home. She was interested in what was going on in our entrepreneurial and educational communities, looking for help to understand different points of view and opportunities for bridge-building.

• Presenting to the senior executives of the largest public utilities in the U.S., it was fascinating to discover the challenges of providing a commodity everyone takes for granted until it is unavailable (power outage, anyone!?). No wonder utilities are so conservative.
  
  
• And many more…

Every time as I wondered how I ended up in this position, I reminded myself that all of these people were just that – people who put on their pants one leg at a time. Then I could focus on engaging them authentically and doing my best to add value to the conversation and learn what I could from those around me. I have noticed that the response to this approach is almost always favorable. I believe that is because these luminaries grow quite tired of having people overreact to them, their titles, and their prestige. They appreciate respect, and they also appreciate being able to be human. They also appreciate being able just to have a normal, grounded conversation about areas of common interest as well as straight information that can help inform their point of view.

Engaging with people as people is a powerful way to make connections and build relationships. Lately, as I have navigated my unexpected health challenge, I have found that being willing to share and be transparent about what I am going through has triggered an overflowing amount of caring from so many people around me. My team. My customers. My investors. My neighbors. If I am willing to share, others often share their own struggles. In our sharing, we grow closer, and doors open to caring and accommodation. So rather than hide what was happening from my most senior relationships, I found that opening up and sharing helped establish transparency and trust.

My takeaway? Let us all just be people trying to do the right thing, caring about one another, helping make things better, and putting on our pants one leg at a time! More often than not, this is how relationships are forged and deepened – and then the magic happens!