Considering A Whole Life
Building a startup takes an extreme level of work and commitment. Yet, there is more to life than just work. Here are some thoughts on how I have navigated this tension over twenty years.
Recently, several things have intersected in my life and caused me to reflect on the bigger picture:
- I was surprised last year by the unexpected need to have neurosurgery
- My husband and I have been experiencing the pressure of living in the sandwich stage of life as our twenty-something children launch out into the world while we simultaneously face the challenges of aging parents
- I read an article about a McKinsey study about how older adults (defined as someone age 55 and older – yikes! That means me!) view healthy aging
- Someone close to me passed away
- And many more …
Most of us have heard that those on their deathbed rarely (ever?) lament not working hard enough. Instead, from the perspective of the end of one’s life, other things are recognized as more important. While, of course, none of us can know for sure how we will feel as our lives draw to a close (and I am not there yet!), research shows that relationships, fulfilled dreams, having made a recognized impact, healthy aging are some elements that are consistently mentioned and related to feelings of satisfaction. For some entrepreneurs, their startup could be a potential vehicle to achieve some of those elements.
One of my friends recently shared a life stages model (and I am sorry, but this concept seems to be quoted by enough people that I cannot determine the original source) that resonated for me: Learn – Earn – Return. The idea is that the first phase of life is focused predominantly on learning (gaining knowledge, skills, and capabilities). The next phase of life is spent putting that learning to use to earn (grow earning capacity, build up income, save, generate wealth). Then there comes a life stage where your focus shifts to return (lifting others up, building a legacy, focusing on relationships). Of course, all of Learn – Earn — Return elements go on simultaneously to some degree throughout life, but I think there is something to the notion that the emphasis shifts over time. The picture that comes to my mind is a pie chart, with a changing split amongst the pie pieces over a lifetime.
Emphasis on Learn
When I started founding and leading startups in my mid-thirties, it felt like I was in a mad scramble to learn as much as possible about how to do this effectively. I was absorbing everything I could about all the dimensions of startup-building, figuring out how to translate my consulting and sales skills into new domains, and discovering new insights every day. My life was dominated by learning while I was also the primary earner for my family, which put extra pressure on my ability to learn fast enough to earn enough to support my young family. I remember, at that phase, I was constantly confronting skeptics who would challenge whether I was “qualified” to be a startup CEO because I had not done it before. Yet I keep thinking that every startup CEO was once a first-time startup CEO – and, in fact, there are many more “first-timers” than there are experienced, serial startup CEOs, with the number dropping as you cycle through multiple startups, so there must be a way to get up this learning curve! Thank you to all of those who helped me in those earlier days – I could never have done that first decade without your generous support pouring into my learning curve!
Emphasis on Earn
Once I had some success and credibility under my belt, I was able to leverage that into new opportunities to continue to grow, but perhaps at a less frenetic pace and with the more measured actions born out of experience. For those subsequent startups, everything was no longer brand new, and I could rely on some of these past lessons learned to move more swiftly and confidently forward. I was becoming more effective and able to build value more efficiently. I also began to be able to help others through mentoring, sharing stories as a panelist and speaker, and becoming a more intentional team grower. The shift from learn to earn with the beginnings of return was underway in the second decade of my startup-leading career.
Emphasis on Return
Now that I am over 55 and into my third decade as a startup leader, I am still enjoying learning and am not ready to be done earning. Still, I find that I am becoming more interested in cultivating opportunities to pour into those that I can help. I remember when a man twenty years older than me joined my startup when I was less than 40 years old. His mentorship was instrumental in helping me grow and mature as a CEO. Now that I am that approximately twenty years older person, I find that I am excited to partner with those younger than me or perhaps CEO first-timers of whatever age to help them accelerate their professional growth. I am eager to share what I have learned to help them succeed. The idea of passing on what I have learned as a bit of legacy seems to have grown in importance. Similarly, this blog, started over three years ago in 2020, embodies my strengthening desire to return by helping others with whatever shared wisdom I can offer.
Similarly, I am finding that I enjoy working with those who are at a similar life stage. There is a care and respect for the human side of the equation that feels profoundly kind when we get together to explore new adventures collaboratively. It feels qualitatively different than the beginning stages of my previous four startups. Perhaps this is what wisdom enables? I know I will continue to learn, but I want to encourage those earlier in the journey to invest the time to pause, reflect, and act with intention along the way. Engaging some of these thoughts does seem to be helped by moving from the young family life stage into the empty-nest life stage as well as having longer, broader, more diverse career experiences to draw on. There is this sense of both capacity and a deeper well of experience to draw upon.
Reflecting and Deciding
Personally, over the past year, I have been thinking more about what is important to me as I explore what the next chapter(s) of my life might look like. Over twenty years as a CEO building startups, many conversations with entrepreneurs at different stages of their journeys, and the reality that I still get excited when I encounter emerging startups that are full of great people and the still-present potential to impact the world positively mean, for me at this time, it feels premature to “retire.” Yet I also feel a desire to evolve my role and approach to building startups. To touch, teach, and support startup growth from a place of deeper experience, more profound insight into critical drivers, and a desire to find additional fulfillment in how I can help others progress along their professional growth journey. I suspect the choices I am making and will continue to make will reflect an evolving shift in emphasis toward the return dimension over the next decade or more.
